He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
