Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
