dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
