Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
