If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Randomize
