Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
