dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
