O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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