she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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