I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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