Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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