Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
