am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
