Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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