I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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