called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You pole danced in your parka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
