Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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