I cannot find my penis.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
