Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
