I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
