Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love having hate sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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