i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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