OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
