so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
