he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
