how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
