sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
