Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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