I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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