Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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