how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
