his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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