Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
