i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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