ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
