Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
