You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
