yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
