I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
