She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
