just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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