I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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