before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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