Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
