During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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