If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
