i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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