i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
