no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
