Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
