Where is the hickey?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
