you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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