lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want her autograph on my taint
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
