Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
