just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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